Inside
by AlexRoseRusso
Summary: It was coming out. I could feel it, feel the long claws that were craving at the walls that held it back. Slowly but surly it was craving it's way out trough my skull. It was angry. Soon I would have to fight a fight that I couldn't afford to lose, but the sad thing is that I know I can't win it either, only withdraw it.
1. Chapter 1

Slowly but surely she was craving her way out. She would be here shortly and i needed to to fight her back. I had to if I didn't she would take over, and I can't let her. My whole life, Dimitri, Lissa, Eddie, Mia, Christian hell even Adrian she would ruin it and hurt them in the progress. I can't let her do that. I will do everything I posibely can to stop her even if it will cost me my life. And it most likely will she is furius from being held back for all these years, she is out to kill me one way or another she will kill me. Soon I will have to face the monster inside me, but she wont be having it eaysy, i know she is coming and I am ready. I may not have been strong enough to kill her before but I am now. I cant cage her again she will find her way out, there is only one thing to do: Destroy the monster inside me.


	2. Chapter 2

Sunlight is streaming in trough the window and floating over my body but it doesn't reach inside my head. Sadly, I think it might help her to get a little sunlight she has gotten so pale over the years. I am starting to loose the tan myself, this vampire sequel is taking its tool on my body. I get this sudden urge to get out of here. I know it isn't me who feel this need to see the sun but if I just give in this time maybe I can save the energy to later, I'll need it. The cold air doesn't clear my head then again it is already cleared, to clear, clear enough that I can hear her low churckel every time she breaks down another wall on her way to freedom and feel her damp and heavy breath as she works hard to get it down and make room for her to pass trough. "Nightmares?" Normally I would have jumped but the inner fight made me constant alert. "They didn't start before I woke up." He nodded slightly and stood by me at the tree i was leaning against. The standing position suddenly felt exhausting and I slid down into a sitting position with my legs over cross. He followed my move but remained silent for a while. "I know that feeling." I couldn't help but smile at the ground. "I don't think you do, it's not to be rude but I don't think you can even imagine what I am talking about." He sent me a stern look "I do trust me, when Sonya came back, it is till hard okay on both of us." I shook my head still smiling grimly, my companion who usually got me seeing as he had felt the same pain as I had suddenly felt so far out of reach "I am not talking about Dimitri." He seemed surprised and hopeful for some reason maybe he did get it "So he doesn't have nightmares anymore?" of cause always searching for a way to help his beloved "He does but it's more rare." I admitted, Dimitri's continuing nightmares wasn't something we talked about even trough it held us both awake at night. We both knew what they where about anyway no need to bring them up. "Then why did you wake up?" I became more tense and alert, I'd never let anyone so close but maybe just maybe he did and if he didn't no harm he wasn't Lissa after all, he wouldn't lay so much thought in it. It was wroth a try. "Do you ever get this feeling this feeling like there is something, someone inside your head that is a whole different person but whom has always been with you, and like this person wants your life." He looked worried at me "No never, Rose is there something you want to talk about? Do you need help?" Of cause he would get me help he thought I was crazy, I shouldn't have told him anything, I knew he wouldn't get it. I gave him a small smile and shook my head "forget it I should probably head back, Dimitri will go crazy if I am not there when he wakes up." Turned my back walking the same direction I just came from. "Rose!" He called after me. I turned my head to see his face make sure he wasn't about to call the psychiatric "Yeah?" He looked helpless not knowing what to do. "If you, if need something or someone just say it okay? I always want to help you." "Thank you but I am fine just in the lake of sleep. See you tomorrow." But I wasn't fine. She continues to break me down from the inside and I had to make an important decision; should I tell the ones I held dear what was happening with the risk they would lock me up, or should I keep it going as long as possible and disappear when the fights begins for real. I didn't know yet.


	3. Chapter 3

she is eating. I don't know how I know it maybe it is because I can hear her, or maybe it is just because she is not crawing at my scalp. Dimitri is up, sadly. I had hoped i could slide into bed without waking him. "where have you been?" sigh again that protectiveness, he didn't know that the real treat was something he couldn't protect me from. I couldn't even protect myself. "I was just out getting air." He looked alarmed and hurried to me taking my face in his hands "Something wrong?" It was now or never, if I was going to tell him about my inner battle. "No i am fine I just didn't get enough sleep. He didn't believe me but let it go, I hope he'll be just as quick to let me go when the time comes.


	4. Chapter 4

In sympathy of the victims to the terror attack in Paris I'll dedicate this post to them and will not update for a week.

to those of you who think it is just about some people who died I ask you to read the next lines

The attack was terrible because of the victims but that isn't what the world is flipping about. It is about the invisible victim, it is about the liberty of speak, the right to say what we want even if it offends some people, the right to be, it is about us. Everything we stand for, all of our values have been violated. They attempted to kill it, but they wont, not if we don't let them. We have to stand together on this, we cant let it fade into the past, we cant keep it quiet and just not talk about it because that is exactly what they want. For us to be afraid, afraid of them. We cant let them win or all of this will have been for nothing. Those innocent lives will have been lost for nothing. Please stand up with us and lets stand together. Nous sommes Charlie. We are Charlie. Vi er Charlie.

Rip all victims you will not be forgotten.


	5. Chapter 5

'You know you made a mistake.'

"Shut up!"

'You know it! just Admit it and everything will be okay. I'll let your betrayal slip by.'

"NO it wasn't a mistake! You're crazy!"

'you just called yourself crazy you know that right?'

"we are NOT the same!"

'sure you just keep telling yourself that! Meanwhile answer me this: Why are we having this conversation in your head if we are not the same?'

"SHUT UP!"

\- pov shift -

"I am starting to get worried Lissa, she has been like that for an hour now just starring at an invisible spot in front of her."

"I know honey but she wont tell me what is wrong." Lissa and Christian where leaning against the kitchen counter, whacting their friend's invisible battle with no clue what so ever.

"So does this mean she is going to keep sitting on our couch for the rest of the night?" Lissa sent an elbow for his ribs and he sqeucked in surprised.

"Ow! sorry I was just asking!" She rolled her eyes.

"Keep your voice down what if she hears us?" He looked at her like she had just grown another head.

"Lissa she has been sitting on out couch for three hours just starring into space. She isn't hearing anything! I think I could draw her a moustash and she wouldn't even blink!" Lissa rolled her eyes and leaned forward over the counter with her coffee mug regarding her friend with a worried expression. She had an idea what was wrong but she begged to god she was wrong.


	6. Chapter 6

"Oh hi Adrian, what a surprise!" the girl said geniuly surprised. The green-eyed boy - no, man, she had to remind herself - gave her a crocked smile. Adrian was in fact a man now, he had grown a lot trough the last year and it showed in the way he wore himself. He had always been confident but there was something about him now that she had never seen in him before and that she could only describe as grown up.

"It is great to see you too Liss." she steeped aside and let him in.

"Adrian there is something you should know-" She began to say as she closed the door but he cut her off.

"Rose is here?" She tried to hide her surprise, she knew she should have predicted that he could sense her presence, seeing auras was after all what Adrian Ivashkov was known for.

"Yes I was just about to tell you." She replied softly but unsure he heard her as he seemed more interested in her ceiling.

"Has Belikov ditched her again?" she looked at him with big confused and sad eyes. She wasn't sure if he was asking because of something he was sensing or if he was simply wishing.

"No - why?" He narrowed his eyes deep in thought.

"It is just, she seems so out of it. I havn't seen her like that since she thought she had killed him." Lissa almost didn't dare to ask but she knew something were off about her friend and she had to try _something_.

"Maybe you should talk to her. She has grown a lot over the last year - you both have." He merely nodded and stalked up the stairs leaving her wondering if he could see what she feared.

* * *

"Hi." the word rang trough the room, cutting the silence that had been drowning my senses, almost as if he had shout it. When I looked up I expected it to be either Christian or Eddie but was surprised to see Adrian Ivashkov my ex-boyfriend leaning against the door-frame.

"Adrian." my voice was dry and when I tried to stand my legs was wombeling.

"Shhhh - please stay in your seat." he strolled over and sat in the opposite seat.

"What is wrong Rose?" he asked leaning forward to look me in the eye. The question was unexpected but quickly got me on the defensive.

"Who says anything is wrong?" my voice was sharper than I meant to and for a moment I was afriad I had scared him but he only laughed at me.

"You just did." I sighed and looked at the floor.

"It is nothing I just, I havn't quiet been myself lately.

"You're a good liar Rose, but please tell me you havn't already forgotten that I can see trough your lies without using spirit." that made me curckle.

"you are always using spirit Adrian, even when you think you're not." It made him smile trough his eyes turned serious.

"Rose you know you can come to me if there is anything you need help with or if you just need to talk." I leaned over and squeezed his hand.

"I know Adrian, thank you." Oh if only he was right and I could tell him. But I couldn't, I couldn't tell anyone about _her._

"Am I interrupting something?" a slightly upset voice laced in a rough Russian accent sounded from the door.

"Dimitri!" I threw myself into his arms wrapping my own around his neck. I knew it was unfair to Adrian but I had to ease Dimitri. I pulled back with my arms still around Dimitri and smiled at Adrian.

"I'll see you around." He smiled thightly and held up his hand in a semi wave. Pulling Dimitri by the arm from the room till he stood back on his heels.

"Why is he here." He didn't sound angry but he wasn't happy either. I shurged.

"I don't know maybe he is visiting his parents they live here you know." his frown said it all.

"I don't like him here and especially not near you." I sighed, he wasn't usually like this but he didn't like when he knew someone else was interested and Adrian wasn't hiding it.

"Well he was there to visit Lissa so you don't have to worry. It was pure coincidence that I was there." He was still frowning so I steeped my tiptoes and pulled him down into a kiss.

"I am yours, relax comrade." If only he knew it wasn't Adrian or any other man he should really be worried about.


	7. Chapter 7

**I do not own VA! Sorry it has been so long I just been really busy doing school!**

**Rpov**

Rosemarie, Rosemarie why do you hide? Is it from your mommy or daddy please let me into your mind.

"SHUT UP!" everyone looked at me like I was crazy, I probably was anyway.

"No one said anything Rose." Lissa said gently reaching out as if to soth me. I swallowed and nodded.

"I know it is just there is to much noice in here I need some air." She was about ot say something but I just brushed past her ignoring Dimitri's stare on my back. Outside I breathed in the fresh air only now noticing how cold it was.

"Little dhampire" I whipped around to see Adrian standing with a worried expression.

"What is it Adrian." I asked brushing a strand of hair away from my face. He steeped closer.

"Have you been sleeping well?" was he going mad too?

"What? Yeah I've gotten plenty of sleep." He looked even more tortured and worried.

"Your eyes are bloodshot." I shrugged trying to seem casual.

"Must be allergy." He shook his head.

"You don't have allergy, you told me that." I gulped afrais he had seen trough my bluff.

"Then it must be something else, fever perhaps." I tried to get past him but he blocked my way.

"No it is not. Rose… Do you want a cigarette?" I blinked, what the fuck was he doing?

"What?" he pulled out a pack of his cigarrets and held it out to me.

"Do you want one?" I stood for a moment trying to figure both him and myself out. Then I reached for one.

"Sure, thank you." He took one himself and found something to lit it with, first reaching over to lit mine then his own. He took a deep inhale then blew the smoke out again.

"So tell me what have the weather been like lately." I took a breath of the cigarette myself and managed to choke on it.

"Grey."

"No it hasn't." I looked at him with both eyebrows raised.

"Yes it has." He shook his head smiling lightly.

"No, the sun has been shining nonstop. The greyness is inside you Rose, so why is that?" I sighed I knew this was a trap when I went into it.

"You tell me since you obviously know me better than I do." He thought for a moment while blowing out smoke. He stared of before answering.

"You got trouble but they aren't obvious for anyone to see. Dimitri doesn't seem to be troubled so it isn't anything he would know about. Lissa is worried meaning you havnt told her. Now that is the two people closest to you, and if you havnt told them then I doubt you've told anyone else, so it is a personal problem something you either don't want them to know or don't think they'll understand. You aren't pregnant and I doubt you would ever betray Belikov or Lissa for the matter so it is because the wont understand. Something is off but the world is intact… Is the darkness getting to you?"

"there aren't any darkness Adrian the bond is broken remember?" He thought about it for a moment before speaking.

"That doesn't change the fact that her darkness is dissapering and yours is growing." I blinked, what did he just say?

"Adrian, can you see- Is the bond recreated?" He laughed.

"I am surprised neither of you noticed."

"I geuss we didn't even give it a thought." If the bond was back then the darkness was too that much made sense but why was that causing HER to show her ugly head again?

'You know you are calling yourself ugly right now right? How many times do I need to tell you I am you!' she whispered in my thoughts

'you are not me so shut up!' I thought back.

"Well there you got it, just good old spirit darkness. Good talk, good talk." Adrian didn't looked convinced but let me go. To my surprise the cigarette actually did some good, I felt a little more in control again.


	8. Chapter 8

Screams, someone where screaming but why... Suddenly the world stood clear around me. It was like waking up from a dream. In front of me was a human, his nose broken and bleeding. All in all he was pretty beaten up. I furrowed my browns then reached for him only yo notice my hand had been balled into a fist and pulled back to punch.

"Rose come on we need to get out of here!" I looked to the side to see Micheal pulling at my arm.

"Leave him, he will burn in the fire, but we need to GET OUT!" he yelled at me desperately then pulled me one more time, this time i followed. We ran out of the warehouse, that i didn't remember entering and jumped into the nearest van that speed off.

"What happened to you back there you almost beat that guy to death?!" Micheal yelled at me and i just blinked.

"I.. I.. What were we doing there?" He looked at me like I just grown another head.

"Rose it was your idea to go in and rescue the hostages... You don't remember? You said we had to beat them to make sure they didn't hurt us again. You were so passionate, almost scary really, but you convinced the council."

"Micheal... What hostages?" he pulled back.

"You don't remember? a bus coming into curt was attacked by strigoi and a few humans... they took them with them away.. Rose are you okay?" I looked away and rubbed my eyes then nodded.

"Yeah I am fine... I just, spaced out a bit, flashback I think." He didn't looked convinced but dropped it. He kept looking at me weirdly all the way back and i caught him talking to Hans about me when we came back. they were sending me worried looks and discussing wildly. I just sent them a glare and walked away, somehow finding my way back to the town house Dimitri and I shared.

"Rose? How did it go? when did you come back? I was worried about you!" Dimitri halfway scolded when i entered.

"It went well... I just came back, look I am really tired I just want to hit the shower then go to bed." I told him not looking at him.

"Are you okay?" He asked worried.

"Yeah just tired." I tried to brush past him but he grabbed me.

"You don't look tired... Is everything okay?" I nodded still refusing to look at him.

"Yes fine I just really need a shower." He wasn't convinced and started searching for eye contact.

"Are WE okay?" He pushed. I just nodded.

"You would tell me if we weren't right?" he asked me still holding on to my shoulders.

"Yes Dimitri but we are fine i just... Let me go I really want that shower." He hesitantly let go of me and I angrily grabbed a towel and went in not sparing him a look.

I changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt when I got out and towel dried my hair before steeping into the living room were Dimitri were talking on the phone.

"I don't know Lissa, she has been acting wierd for weeks now, and i just can't get trough to her!" I cleared my throat and he looked up startled.

"Rose I.." I held up my hand to stop him.

"Why don't I find another place to stay for the night?" I asked him with a raised brow then grabbed a few things and threw them angrily into my purse.

"Rose stop, please!" He begged storming after me but i just kept going not looking back.


	9. Chapter 9

"Hi Rose, it is me again, I am starting to get worried please just text me that you are okay. If you want to talk you know you can always call or come over... Please Rose just a text, it has been hours." I pushed a button and deleted the message going to the next.

"Yeah it is me... again. I know your phone is ringing Rose please just pick up!" Delete. Next.

"Rose you're being childish right now!" delete. Next.

"I am sorry I didn't mean that, I am just worried please call." delete. Next.

"Rose... we are all really worried... Please, just a life sign?" delete. Next.

"Hi Rosie, it is Christian, so uhm you weren't picking up from Lissa or Belikov and we figured it was worth a try... Rose come home, we miss you." Delete. Next.

"Rose, we have contacted the police now. If you are okay just call us or them or someone please." Delte.

"There are no messages on your voicemail, to change your voicemail press 1, to-" I hang up. Lissa and the others had tried contacting me for a few hours since I left our house. Dimitri had tried first but eventually gave up after 30 missed calls. I looked around at the place I was in. It was a small park outside a little town. It was almost sunrise so the park was dark. I meet a homeless man on my way in but didn't come across any other people. It was one of the first places the police would look trough. I leaned forward resting my elbows on my knees and my head sideways on my knuckles. It was quiet I realized, she was quiet. I didn't bother telling her, enjoying the nice and quiet for once. I sat there on the bench for another half hour, listening to the town slowly waking. when people started joking trough the park I stood up and walked back to the streets, steeping into a payphone on the way calling the police to tell them to stop looking then moved on to find a quiet place. I ended up in a small 24-hour diner, ordering a hot chocolate and a donut. The waitress looked at me a little worried but didn't say anything.

"There you go high cheeks." She told me as she came down with my order. I gave her a small smile then looked out the window. There was a busy street running trough the town, cars racing by as if they couldn't get out of here fast enough. Suddenly someone sat down on the seat in front of me.

"Mind some company?" He was a man in his 30'ties, blond hair under a baseball cap, leather jaket and white t-shirt. He wasn't unattractive, but I was feeling very little talkative and the way he regarded me gave me chills.

"Yes actually, I came here to be alone for a bit if you don't mind?" I tried to be polite. He gave me a wicked smile.

"I don't but I got a feeling girls like you grow tired of being alone quickly." I raised both brows.

"Girls like me?" I challenged him to come with something sexist. He smiled wider, obviously thinking it was an invite.

"Pretty party girls without a party to go to. You could come with me and I give you all the parties you want." He offered sleazily.

"Thank you but I am no party girl, now would you please-" he grabbed my underarm in a hard grip.

"Listen up girlie!" I was just about to throw him across the room when someone cut in.

"I believe my daughter told you she didn't want any company." A strong masculine voice said calmly. I smiled at the table as the man scrumbeled to his feet taking off his cap.

"Yes of course sir, I am sorry sir, I didn't realize-"

"Oh get out of here!" the man ordres and out he was. I looked up halfway expecting to see either Abe or one of his men trough the voice didn't fit. It wasn't either. It was an elder man in his sixties with grey hair and few wrinkles, wearing a light suit and a gangster-like hat. He was supporting his weight on a walking stick and had bright polished shoes.

"Thank you daddy." I told him with a tiny smile. He gave me a kind one back.

"No problems darling, what would I tell your mom if I let you talk to strangers?" I laughed.

"That I was learning to conversate diplomatically?" I offered and he shrugged then held his arm out to the seat where the man just left from.

"Do you mind if I sit?" he asked. I though about it a moment then shook my head. he slid in gracefully.

"So what brings such a pretty girl like yourself to a place like this?" he asked me and I almost laughed, looking down at my cup.

"I just needed to think."

"You needed some peace and quiet so you could tell the noises apart." he said sharply and I looked up surprised. That was it exactly but how did he-

"I am educated psychiatrist, my dear. You havn't sleept well if at all in several days, that is clear. You aren't from around here either, and you seem awfully alone trough I doubt you really are. So tell me, what is troubling you?" Great another shrink. He seemed different through, like he actually cared a tiny bit.

"Nothing is wrong, and I am far from alone." I told him off.

"Voices it is then. How many? three? four? A male and three female." he guessed. I glared at him a bit then decided to spill.

"One actually, a female, and she has been here for a long time."

"How come you havn't lashed out sooner?" he asked curiously. I shrugged.

"I thought I had her under control, but then she broke out." he laughed lightly.

"Oh dear... We can never control them no matter how hard we try. But it sounds like she havn't bothered you in a while?" I nodded.

"Not since middle school." He nodded understanding.

"Is something wrong, causing her to react?" he asked and I shook my head furrowing my brows.

"No that is it, everything is going perfect for ones."

"Then maybe you have been so busy worrying about other things you havn't looked into yourself." I looked at him questionly and he sighed then started to explain.

"Voices, especially when only one, is our subconscious trying to reach us. If you had some troubled years then perhaps you never quiet found yourself. The only way to make her quiet is to be cleared about who you are. She is living of your doubt." I thought about it, it kind of made sense, the timing fit perfectly.

"That makes a lot of sense." He smiled.

"That I am glad." he started to rise but I caught his wrist.

"Wait!" he looked at me curious.

"Who are you?" He smiled knowingly then reached into his pocket and pulled out a visit card.

"I hope to see you, don't worry about money, I enjoy talking with you. You are not just a troubled but also a rather interesting young woman." And then he was gone. I flipped over his card to see a phone number only, on a black surface. The other side read _Doctor Heist_. Well doctor Heist just got himself a new patient...

* * *

"Where were you?! Why didn't you call us one single time! Do you know how many times we tried to call?" Lissa exclaimed in both anger and relief as I steeped into her forehall.

"Yeah about 53 times." I answered dryly, still pretty annoyed. She crossed her arms and glared at me.

"Well you shouldn't just run off like that! I am sorry that we cared!" damn..

"I told Dimitri I would be sleeping somewhere else, you should have just waited to see if I showed up in the morning - not call the police." She flinched, she knew she had crossed a line there.

"I am sorry but we were worried! You havn't exactly been yourself lately!" That hit me. Of course they would have noticed, we saw each other everyday. It was stupid to think I could hold her off and still be here.

"You're right I havn't." I admitted and she visibly calmed.

"We just want to help you Rose." She said quietly and I nodded not looking at her.

"I know, that is why I need to ask for a thing." She quickened in surprise.

"Of course! Anything!" she already promised without even having heard what I needed.

"I need to take a few weeks off. I need to think and I need space to do that." She looked hurt but nooded.

"As long as you need - do you know where you are going?" I nodded.

"A small town not long from here. I'll rent a motel room and look around... I just need some space Liss, there some things I need to work trough." She nodded understanding before moving forward to give me a hug.

"Ofcourse, you know you can always come here if you need to. Just keep me updated okay? I need to know you are okay." she demanded still hugging me. I gave her a tight sqeeze then let go.

"Sure. Would you please tell Dimitri that I am okay, and he can stop worrying? I know I should talk to him but I am still mad." She furrowed her brows.

"Are you sure that is the best idea..." I shook my head.

"No but it is what I want right now. Thanx Liss, take care and please stay in court." I told her to which she nodded before I left her housing again.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been 2 weeks since we last heard from her and I was worried. Granted she had said she needed time off but I had expected her to actually stay in touch and she hadn't. We had called her but she hadn't answered as expected. Dimitri even went looking for her but ended up empty handed. We tried tracing her credit card and her cellphone but came up with nothing. Her phone had been turned off the entire time she had been gone and apparently she had pulled out 1500 dollar in cash before leaving court. Adrian had tried contacting her but she follow any specific sleep pattern and so far he had been out of luck. It was as if she had been swallowed by the grounds.

Today I was sending out a search party, I had decided the moment I woke up and checked my phone only to be disappointed again. I was about to make the call from my office when my assistant knocked on my door.

"YES?" I aske da bit annoyed yet I tried to be polite, it wasn't his fault after all.

"Yes, your majesty, I checked your mail this morning and well, there was an unusual letter. I had the guardians check it for potential threats but there appeared to be non so they allowed me to give it to you. I thought maybe you would like to check it yourself." he said looking very apologetic. I was a bit curious as he usually checked, read and threw out most of my mail.

"Thank you Kevin please if you could give it to me?" I asked a bit stern but held out my hand. He looked surprised then stumbled to get to me as fast as possible and pulled the letter from his pocket before leaving hurriedly. I looked at it on both sides before opening it. It was a little yellow envelope, with a nice handwriting on it. it was good material, the kind you buy at a bookshop and appears to be old but isn't. The writing was very delicate and twisted.

_Vasilissa Dragomir_

_T. I. Valsasarstreet 12 _

_0837 district 5, court. _

It was sent to my home address which was weird on its own. There wasn't any sender noted either. I considered it for a moment, maybe it was just a fan letter... then i grabbed a knife from the top drawer and opened it. The letter was written in the same elegant handwriting as the name and address.

_Dear Lissa._

_I am sorry it took me so long to write, but mastering this writing took a long time. _Those simple lines and I already knew who it was from.

_Truth to be told, the writing is a bad excuse. I havn't written, or called because i didn't know what to write. Liss, darling, I know you know something is wrong, and I hate to worry you but you are right. I'll let you know it is exactly what you fear it is. We have been trough this before Liss, and trough I know you don't want me to, this time I have to go trough it alone. Last time someone almost got hurt, I can't let that happen again. What if it is Dimitri or you? I would never forgive myself. But I do not want you to worry, I am not completely alone. I meet someone, he is a therapist. He really helps me Liss. More than I have ever imagined someone could. I think he can help me trough this. _

_You have to understand, I havn't left you because I don't trust you or want you near. I left because it is the best for all of us. I am staying away for another week then I am coming back for a few days. I need to ask you favor, a few favors actually. First, if you could please tell Dimitri that I am steeping by to pick up a few things next week? Actually I am getting all my stuff but don't tell him that. I am leaving him Liss. I know it sounds so weird but I just can't do it anymore. I can't keep smiling just to make him happy. I can't lay in bed with him and pretending that he didn't hurt me when he destroyed me so deeply. I thought love overshined it but I have come to realize that maybe jumping into a relationship and moving in with each other right ahead wasn't the best decision. I need time for myself even when all of this is over. I need to be me for a while. We never got the dating part you know? He havn't ever taken me out, we never got to know each other trough long nice conversations, it all happened so fast and so random. I need to know him, need to know who I lay beside every night. I don't. The man I know wouldn't hurt me like that but he does time and time again. _

_I need you to contact Adrian too. I need to speak to him, badly. I am in court from Monday so if you could tell him to meet me at the café Tuesday? That would be great. Also I need an alternative address to write to, your home address isn't exactly subtle. Anyways, I will see you soon Liss. Please don't let me haunt your dreams._

_Your __Rose_

If I was worried about her before it was nothing compared to now. She was wrong, she couldn't do this alone and if she started pushing people away it would only get worse. I sighed heavily, I hated to have to do this but I had to call Dimitri.


	11. Chapter 11

The nights were the best. She usually kept quiet at night, like everything else. It was at night that I had time to think which caused me a terrible lack of sleep. I wasn't any nearer a solution on how to get rid of my little friend. I had tried trust me, oh how I had tried but no matter what I did she seemed to only grow stronger. Doctor Heist had tried everything, he had given me tools and they helped, on everything but her. He helped me figure out a lot of unsolved feelings I had about all my relations. About Lissa, Dimitri, Christian and Adrian. I was writing letters addressing them and the pain they had caused me. Of course they would never read them, but it helped me progress. It still didn't help on her trough, it seemed she lived of my pain. Every time I wrote about it she started clawing at the walls of her cage again, scratching up nerves and blood veins on her way trough, causing me pain with every tiny steep of process she made.

'thinking about me again?' she asked smugly from my mind.

"It is hard not to when you keep interrupting my life." I said out loud earning a few stares from people on the street. I sighed, deciding to go home for today as the headache she was causing me had taken its tool on my mood. I stopped by the little diner to get a hot chocolate. It had become somewhat of a safe base to me. A place to go when I felt off. Today, unfortunately, my luck ran out. A large figure landed on the seat across from mine. I didn't look up, I could already smell his aftershave.

"Roza-" he started but I held up a hand to stop him.

"I told you I need time." I told him off straight ahead.

"No you didn't, you told Lissa to tell me that, but YOU never told me. Please Rose just talk to me!" he begged, that sexy Russian accent clear in his voice. I didn't answer and just looked at the table surface.

"What are you doing in this place?" He asked asked obviously referering to the crappy town. I scoffed.

"Thinking, trying to get better - what else?" I told him shortly, not feeling for this conversation at all.

"Getting better from what?" He asked. Dammit, I didn't realized I hadn't told him I was feeling off.

"What do you think Dimitri?" I asked and he flinched at my cold voice. "Do you think getting dumped twice by the same man, that was turned strigoi then back again and who's crazy ex shot you in the chest trying to kill your best friend and being on the run, knowing the officials will execute you for a crime you didn't commit is something you just walk away from?" I almost hissed at the end. He took in a deep breath before calmly responding.

"No, but you are Rose Hathaway, you insist on walking away from everything." I smiled a bit, knowing he just set up the perfect response for me.

"Well maybe I should walk away from you." He looked stunned at first then reached out and grabbed my hand.

"If that is what you want, but please Roza think about it, think about how much I love you." I let out a deep breath. I didn't realize she had gotten far enough to smitten my personality.

"Your love is exactly why I need time alone. There are things you don't understand about me Dimitri, Things you just have to accept. This is one of them." I told him giving his hand a squeeze.

"So this is it then? You are just giving up?" I sighed.

"No, unlike you I don't give up but... Dimitri I don't think a relationship is the right thing for us. We don't really know each other when you come to think about it. We just accepted everything we got offered like it wasn't one of the most important decisions of our life. And I thought I was fine with all we have been trough but I am not." I scowled when I saw his face drop. "And I don't mean what you did when you didn't have control I mean what you did when you had. You pushed me away so many times Dimitri one would think it was some kind of hobby to you. I just need some time on my own right now and when I come back maybe we can start dating but this whole moving in together-" I shook my head. "It isn't going to happen."

He didn't stop when I got up and left and I wondered if this was too much damage for us to get trough.


End file.
